The Undoing of Jennifer Jareau
by JEmily89
Summary: Warning: Character Death. What does it take to make JJ come completely undone? Will the team fall apart? Also a warning from some real raw emotions.
1. World Crashing Down

A/N: Yes I know I am starting a new story with two unfinished others but I couldn't shake this. I don't know how often I'll update it because it is sad. I will warn ahead of time it is a character death story and the events that happen after and that lead up to said event. I literally had a dream about this happening and therefore had to write it out. So here it is. Love it or leave it! Many thanks to diaza44 for the encouragement to actually put it to paper!

One phone call was all it took for Jennifer Jareau's world to come crashing down. She hadn't been the same since that night, the night JJ became broken, hollow, and jaded. She faced each day knowing she'd never hear, smell, touch, or feel the one thing that had held this crazy life together. This one phone call was the end of life as Agent Jennifer Jareau knew it. That night her life, and many other lives unraveled because the flue that held them together was now gone. The one person who reminded the team of the reasons they fought monsters would no longer be able to do so. Now all JJ had left were the memories, the left over passion, and the haunting of knowing she'd never love again nor would she ever be the same.

Emily and JJ had been the couple of all couples. Passionate and heated but no one could ever underestimate or deny the love and respect between the two star-crossed lovers. Now, ten years after they had been married, all JJ could do was cry.

To start at the end, no one could see it coming. Everyone in the BAU had started to take their safety for granted; nearly a year after the Reaper had nearly destroyed their Unit Chief and ultimately their family. It hadn't been an easy task for the unconventional family to get back their groove but slowly and carefully they had, but they had still been fragile. It had been Hailey's death that had caused everyone to survey their current relationships and make changes accordingly. Morgan had finally confessed his love for Garcia. Emily and JJ had been a couple for nearly 3 years when Hailey was murdered and it had been the straw that broke the camel's back in Emily's decision to propose to JJ.

The night JJ's world came crashing down, Emily had been on a case that had only required her and Derrick. It was a local case in their areas of expertise. Tall brunettes were being stalked and then shot by what an unsub had simulated as a firing squad, only the victims were only shot once, execution style. The night it happened, Emily had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"_Emily, you knew something was wrong that night. Why?!" _JJ cried out. Every October 7th and every anniversary JJ found the strength to make the trip to the Quantico cemetery. Emily had discussed the feeling with Morgan and even called her wife to say _I love you_ and to check up on her. JJ and Emily were rarely apart even on cases because the two agents were a dynamic duo, working in sync on and off the field. This case had only required the two agents and fatefully it had been Morgan and Prentiss.

Morgan had drawn his gun a second too late that night, when a single bullet had pierced straight through Emily's abdomen. She said only one word before slipping into the abyss of unconsciousness. As Morgan radioed for help and fought to save her life. Emily's last word conscious was _"Jennifer". _Her blood stained Morgan's hands as he applied pressure but the damage had already been done. Garcia received the radio call simultaneously as paramedics received it. Shock rose in her body as she thought of her best friend, most likely sleeping at home in what may have seemed like an empty bed. That night she made the phone call that caused Jennifer Jareau's world to come crashing down.

That night after JJ had talked to her wife about the case and her feelings in the pit of her stomach, JJ finally rested her mind and fell into a fitful sleep filled with nightmares of monsters that they had chased before. The two had always feared being on the receiving end of that fateful phone call being notified that the other one had been hurt but part of JJ had naively thought that her Emily was strong and stoic and therefore would never get hurt. She woke up from her fitful nightmare by the sound of her cell buzzing on the stand next to the bed where a picture of the two stood.

"_Emily?" JJ had said into the phone groggily. _

"_JJ, it's Pen. You need to get to Memorial Hospital right away," Garcia had said barely being able to keep her composure knowing the condition Emily was in. _

"_Garcia, what's wrong?" JJ said as she sat upright and felt a pain in her chest as tears welled up in her eyes. _

"_It's Emily," it was all Garcia could manage to get out and JJ was hanging up her cell phone and out the door. _

Emily hung on for what seemed like hours before the blood loss had been too much. JJ never left her side and her expression never changed from the moment she got there. Her body was in shock. She wanted to feel pain, wanted to collapse into tears, punch, kick, scream at Morgan, tell him he didn't do enough, didn't do his job, but all she felt was the ever consuming feeling of numbness. Her wife, the love of her life, the one person she connected with on a level so deeply she didn't know how she could live without, was now gone. Gone was such an empty small word but dead carried so much stigma and JJ refused to use it. That night her entire world came crashing down. She would never be the same. And now all she had left were the haunted memories of the love they shared. The love and the fire that burned so hot, that held so much passionate, that most would assume would only last a short while but their love had lasted 5 years and was still burning hot when Emily let go and slipped into the abyss.

It wasn't that Emily hadn't fought to hold on. She had fought with all her might but she knew there was a time to let go. She knew leaving Jennifer wouldn't be a good idea, knowing the blonde would be absolutely devastated but she had lost her battle when it came to fighting and hoped that her family, the family they had leaned on in times of need, discrimination, and in times of love, to pull Jennifer through her leaving. Little did she know that the entire team would fall apart before they would be able to come back together and that JJ would never be the same ever again.


	2. All Your Fault

**A/N: So a little explanation: This is in the future, if you may picture JJ at Emily's grave 10 years from their wedding, reminiscing her death, the events that happened after (with this chapter the funeral), and then their life together back to step one. Then I'll go into how it affected everyone including JJ. I know this is sad but I really love the reviews so if you read please even if it's just a one line review. Thanks for the support guys!**

The day of Emily's funeral was the day JJ broke, shattered really, into a million piece inside. It was also the day that Jennifer Jareau stopped talking.

Everyone had arrived at the church that morning somber. Garcia had picked up JJ who was properly dressed in a black skirt, black button down shirt (one that Emily had loved on her) and no makeup. Her eyes were swollen with sleepless bags under them. There were no signs of tears and Garcia knew that these were the signs of JJ slowly unraveling. She hadn't left the house since coming back from the hospital, leaving all the arranging to be done at the house, or by Emily's parents. She had slept rarely but when she had it was wrapped up in Emily's robe inhaling the scent and wishing that when she woke up Emily would be back in her arms, smiling, and showering her with kisses, the only way Emily could wake her up.

If one could get into JJ's head, one would see she was in shock, numb at best. Garcia hadn't stopped crying since the night at the hospital and was nearly afraid to hug and comfort JJ, knowing it could cause the fragile blonde to completely unravel at her fingertips.

"Angel, come on. We need to get to the church," Garcia said quietly, pained at the emptiness she saw in JJ's eyes. She could tell the blonde had barely heard her and was lost inside her own head. Garcia could also tell that JJ was doing everything in her power not to fall apart, feel, or remember anything. She hadn't even felt this pain when her sister had died, but she had been 11.

At the funeral, JJ sat in the front pew, gripping her father's hand. Emily's parents sat on the other side of her. They hadn't always been accepting of JJ, nor had they accepted at first their relationship but after a year, they had grown to love the woman who made their daughter so visibly happy. JJ was supposed to say a few short words about Emily's short yet ever so vibrant life but when she got to the podium, she broke.

"Why Emily? I'm sorry. I love you," JJ was able to whisper as tears began to pour down her face and she ran out of the sanctuary. JJ's heart broke even more when she realized it would not be Emily chasing her out of that sanctuary. It would not be Emily comforting her, holding her, telling her it was alright, and as long as they had their love, they could conquer anything, even death itself. Emily had been the one to comfort her when she had broken down at Hailey's funeral as the two had grown close over the years with Hotch's job. Emily had been the one to comfort JJ when she had come out to her parents one weekend after Emily had insisted she stopped living a lie.

This time it was Derek Morgan who chased JJ, seeking to comfort her, offer her the reassurance that it had been her name as Emily's last words spoken before she had slipped into unconsciousness. Derek wanted JJ to know that Emily hadn't given up, that she just didn't have the chance to really even fight before she was forced to let go of this life.

JJ saw Morgan and anger filled her like it had never filled her before. He was the last person to see _her _Emily alive, vibrant, and full of life. It had been _him_ who had heard _her_ last words and she felt as if she could never forgive him.

"It's all your fault! If you had been protecting her like you had promised, it's all your fault. She's gone!" JJ screamed at him, tears breaking through her tough barrier and running down her soft pale face. She began to put whatever strength she had left into beating her hands into Morgan's chest. He stood there, taking it until her strength was finally gone and she nearly collapsed into his arms.

"I know. I can't get that image out of my head Jayj. I loved her too. She was my sister for God's sake. I'm sorry. I wish I had done more. I'm sorry Jennifer," Morgan said a tear falling from his dark eyes. JJ had no strength left but mustered up enough to hit Morgan one more time.

"Do NOT call me Jennifer. Emily calls… she called me that," JJ said breaking down once more. She noticed that she hadn't gotten very far when Morgan had caught up to her and the entire congregation that had attended the funeral saw her break down.

"Emily," JJ whispered. She ran out of the church into the pouring rain. Emily's name was the last words that JJ spoke for months. The BAU had given her a leave of absence knowing she would be incapable of doing her job and they also needed to reexamine the safety of their teams. Emily's death was one that weighed heavily on every member and every member of that team took some leave of absence because of it.

The day of Emily's funeral was the day Jennifer Jareau became completely undone, empty, and jaded. The lowering of the casket was nearly too much for her to handle knowing she would never see her wife's face again. She had never loved someone quite as deeply, never felt the same passion, and knew she'd never be the same person again. Despite the rain, JJ spent an hour looking at the freshly dug grave. She couldn't imagine a life without _her Emily. _It just didn't seem possible. Nothing would ever be the same again.


	3. Promises and Photographs

A/N: Anything in italics is a flashback to the past or to the present. Regular font is just the norm. I'm kind of disappointed at the amount of reviews. Are you all not liking it? Too sad? Tell me! Thank you to those who do review, my loyal #1 fan diaza44 who is the best in the entire world, and to the few others who do review this story thanks so much! This is kind of long but it was needed. REVIEW please!!

Anyone who looked into JJ's eyes, the once vibrant, ocean blue eyes that held the key to her soul, they knew that the day Emily died, the day Emily's body went into that cold ground, that a major part of JJ died. Her eyes no longer smiled with her, they were hollow now, almost completely empty.

The night JJ and Emily got married they promised the one promise Emily would ever break. To JJ, someone's word was worth a lot and she never trusted easily so when Emily promised her anything she took it with such seriousness. The wedding had been beautiful. Both women had worn off white and it had been done on the steps of the Capitol, with a few strings pulled by the Ambassador. It had been everything JJ had dreamed of yet nothing she had ever imagined. Growing up she had dated her share of men, Emily had been the first woman she had fallen for. It had happened easily and fast but it had taken months for Emily to admit she was in love with JJ. JJ remembered that night quite clearly.

"_JJ, I can't do this anymore. I can't see you with him. I'm sorry. He's not good for you. He wants to hold you back," Emily raised her voice at JJ as tears threatened to fall down her face. Emily didn't cry. She compartmentalized but she had never been able to compartmentalize the way she felt about Agent Jennifer Jareau. _

"_Why?! What's so wrong with him? He's… He's… not you," JJ said breaking down. She had been dating a detective from New Orleans for months who had wanted her to leave everything behind, just up and move for him. She had only been dating him to get her thoughts away from Emily, but when she was with him, feeling him, she was really thinking of her, wondering how her touch would feel, her kiss. _

"_What?" Emily said letting a tear fall from her face. "Jen, look at me, Jennifer, what did you just say? He's not me?" Emily asked softly, confused, her heart racing in her chest. _

"_Emily I can't do this anymore. I'm in love with you. I have been in love with since the third week you've worked at the BAU. I never thought I would feel like this for another woman and I can understand if you don't want to be friends anymore but I can't take this feeling anymore!" JJ all but yelled as she turned to run out of her office, clear her head, pass out case files. This wasn't like JJ, nor like Emily. They kept their personal lives just that, personal. JJ needed to gain her composure and work did just that for her but when Emily grabbed her arm and kissed her, she nearly lost it. She was now really feeling Emily's lips on hers and they only broke when it was necessary to breathe. _

"_Just shut up for one second Jennifer. I have been in love with you since day 8. The first day I saw you, when you came into Hotch's office to announce the team had a case, my heart broke. I thought I'd never have you, not like this. Jen, do you want to go out with me tonight? A real date? Please, that loser Will, he's just not good for you, let me in," Emily pleaded with JJ seeing the fear behind her eyes. _

"_Em, we can't do this. It's against the code. Rossi would have our head if he knew and then Strauss, we'd be separated," JJ began to ramble again with doubt and fear. Emily leaned in and kissed her again nearly knocking JJ off her feet. _

"_Shut up! Rossi is the reason for those rules. Date me Jennifer. You won't be sorry," Emily pleaded._

That was the day Emily confessed her love. Three years later and they had been married. Another year and Emily was gone. She had broken her promise.

"_I love you Emily. I just feel like we have this fire that burns so hot. But everyone knows what happens to fires that burn hot, they burn fast and then they are out. I never want that to happen. I don't ever want to lose you," JJ said, the emotions of the day wearing on her face. When JJ got tired or sad, her eyes would dull, when she was excited, aroused, or totally and utterly lost in the abyss that Emily's eyes were they brightened like the sunlight. _

"_Baby, look at me. I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you," Emily promised. Emily knew that JJ had her doubts, her insecurities, and her fears. She knew it was to be expected when JJ who had lived her entire life believing she was straight, that she was happy with men, was now madly in love with someone who had been with women her entire life. JJ kissed Emily, sealing the promise. _

That night was the night Emily broke the only promise she would ever break. They knew it wasn't a good idea to promise that. In their line of work, who knew what could happen to the other at any time but they had promised not to die on each that night as they lay underneath the stars on Emily's balcony shortly after their wedding reception.

"_You broke your promise Emily! Why'd you have to leave me?" JJ cried as she looked down at the tombstone that read Emily Prentiss October 7, 1964-June 3, 2010. They had been married nearly 2 years and now ten years later on the anniversary of their wedding JJ was flooded with memories. _

It had taken JJ three months to start talking again and it was only when her mother had threatened to commit her and told her that Emily would not want her to behave like this. Communicating was her job. JJ knew that Emily would want her to go back to work and so she did. She knew it wouldn't be the same. The team was broken. Garcia nearly cried every day that she saw young JJ, broken, going through the motions of every day. Morgan was ridden with guilt, thinking he could've done something more that night. Rossi lost the closest person to a daughter he had ever had and was silently dealing with it by drinking. Hotch knew his team was going to fall apart. Without Emily, they didn't have their normal sense of family, or their sense of humor. Reid was devastated. He knew that with Emily's death, he had lost not only the only person in the team who was almost as nerdy as him, but he knew he had lost his big sister in JJ because of how broken she was. JJ went back to work but it wasn't the same JJ who had been doing press conferences, running around trying to fix everything, and be super woman. She did what she needed to do. The day she returned to work was the day she said her first word in three months.

"_Hey Spence," JJ had said putting a hand on his shoulder while he sat at his desk. He had nearly jumped into the air. He hadn't heard her voice in three months. No one had, not even herself. _

"_JJ, you're back! And you're talking!" Reid said jumping up clumsily hugging the blonde as she meekly hugged back. _

"_I guess I am back. I'll be in my office tackling those case files," JJ said without realizing what going to her desk meant. _

The day JJ returned to work was the day that she felt her entire world crash down again around her. Emily was no longer there. There would be no quick out of the office lunch dates on slow days, no venting about cases, no hot make out sessions in the broom closest Garcia had found them in the beginnings of their relationship. It also meant she would be faced with the photographs that sat silently on her desk reminding her of what she would never see again, Emily's smile.


	4. The 8th Day: A Letter To You

A/N: I realize that this story is ridiculously sad… I'm sorry. It just came to me and my dark muse had to get it out. Sometimes in life though there are no happy endings. Sometimes this really happens, when the death of a loved one, especially one you love this much, completely breaks you and changes you. There will be happy moments, such as snippets of their life together. Thank you for the reviews. They help me write faster!

Emily knew that the promise was one that one of them wouldn't be able to keep. One night, the two women were up late talking after Hailey's death and realized that they needed something more, something more than just that last phone call to hold on to when it was the end for one of them. In their profession, the end could be any day and they knew that. They knew that any day one of their lives could end, while the other's would come crashing down around them.

"_Emily, I don't want to be left with just a phone call to hold on to," JJ had insisted. JJ had been affected pretty badly from Hailey's death. She was supposed to be the team member who cared just enough to liaise with the families and not enough to become jaded or emotionally exhausted. Sometimes her job was just that, emotionally exhausting and it had been a tough week for the team. They had had to leave Hailey's service to go straight to a case and JJ hadn't had time to deal with the emotions and it had left her afraid of losing Emily. Emily was never one to show emotions but it was clear from the case that it wasn't far from her mind during the last case. She hadn't let JJ out of her sight if at all possible. _

"_What about if we write each other a letter? That way we have something to hold on to. We can put them in the safe deposit box and if in 10 years we're still here, we can reevaluate them and rewrite them if necessary," Emily suggested. She had actually gotten the idea from Garcia who had noticed the distracted look the brunette and blonde had held the past week. _

And so they had written one final letter to each other. JJ had written hers one day in her office and she had done with the door locked so no one could bother her because the idea of leaving Emily behind made her rough around the edges and she had shed a few tears. Emily had sat down one Saturday morning out on their front deck of her house overlooking the D.C. Mall and had written hers and it was clear that the ink was smudged around in spots and that had Emily had shed a few tears thinking about leaving _her _Jennifer. JJ had hated being called Jennifer or Jen as a child. It was too prim, too proper, for the outgoing all-star soccer player and so they had given her the nickname JJ. Garcia had been the first person to call her Jayj and that stuck from then on. It was a term of endearment but when Emily called her Jennifer or Jen, it was as if her heart melted and only Emily had her attention. Four months after Emily died, JJ remembered the letters and quickly went to the safe deposit box they had gotten for their most valuables which were a few heirlooms Emily had from being a Prentiss and JJ's few belongings and their marriage certificate. She had called Garcia over for lunch and figured she would read it with Garcia there, knowing she would need something to hold on to. Suspicion and anticipation got to her before Garcia could arrive for with the takeout she knew she would need. When JJ had returned to work, she hadn't only been quiet, tired looking, and broken but her small frame looked even smaller and Garcia knew that the small blonde hadn't been eating properly since her wife's death. When JJ stressed out she never had much of an appetite but being small already, the slightest amount of weight lost due to not eating was noticeable. Garcia was determined to fix this problem, knowing JJ would need her strength if she was going to be staying with the BAU. JJ opened the letter with trembling hands and began to read:

_My Dearest Jennifer,_

_I'm writing this while you have run to work on paperwork at work. The sun is shining down on me and it reminds me of your touch. I'll miss that touch. I'll miss your smile and those blue eyes of yours that make my heart melt. _

_I'm sorry I'm gone. I'm sorry I didn't fight harder and I'm sorry I'm not there to help you through this baby. I want you to know that the day I walked into the BAU and saw you, my whole universe shifted. It was like things were finally right again. Day Eight was the day I decided that I was in love with you. After three days of doing nothing but procedures, codes, etc with you, I didn't ever want to leave that office of yours. I wanted to get to know you, go out for drinks with you, be the one who put that beautiful smile on your face. The day you told me you loved me and that you were leaving that detective, I thought I was going to faint. I never imagined I'd be so lucky. Because that's what I am Jennifer. However long I have with you is not long enough but I can't be greedy because I know I never deserved you Jennifer. You are sweet and kind and I have never loved someone quite as much as I love you. _

_I know you probably aren't doing so well if you are reading this. Quite frankly, writing this I'm not doing so well either and you'll be home shortly. That day you asked me at Hankel's why I was never affected by any of this, the job, when I said I compartmentalized better than most, well it's true but Jennifer I have never been able to compartmentalize you. When I met you, I built a wall, and somehow you knocked down that wall and made it unnecessary. I saw the pain Hankel's dogs and what was happening to Reid was affecting you and it tore me apart. I broke down to Morgan. That's when he told me I should fight for you. So I fought, and while I may have won, I may pay the price some day. You have changed me Jennifer. I never thought I'd be the one to get married or have a family and I want it all with you. _

_I need you to do a few things for me once I'm gone. First, I'm enclosing a letter to my parents, to Morgan, and then to the team as a whole. Please give them to them. Second, do not shut out my parents Jen, they love you as if you were there own. Please do not fall apart. I don't want the world to miss out on those blue eyes of yours. Keep moving on and help the team pull themselves together. I love you and always will. I will be by your side for as long as you want me to be and know that you are not alone once I'm gone. _

_I love you Jennifer. _

_Forever,_

_Emily_

The letter brought JJ to the ground in a fit of tears. The two had always said that the sun reminded the other of their touch, smile, or laughter because it was true, all shone bright. JJ sunk to the ground against the wall and felt herself break into a million tiny little pieces. Garcia was just in time, not knocking when she let herself into what was JJ and Emily's condo. The place seemed so empty without Emily and Garcia was saddened but quickly alarmed at the small pile of blonde against the wall on the floor and quickly picked JJ up with the letter clenched her hand. Garcia quickly discarded the takeout and held JJ until she sobbed herself into a deep sleep.


	5. Tell Her

A/N: Sorry for the delay in chapters. It has been crazy kind of. Plus this fic requires a special mood to write as you know it requires a special mood to read as well. This chapter is how the team has reacted and how the team has seen JJ fall to pieces. Written while listening to Breathe Me by Sia. It will be a two parter. One part tonight, one part another night.

**Hotch**

Aaron Hotchner was accustomed to the feeling of grief. It had only been a year since Haley had died when Emily was shot. He knew that the only thing keeping him together when Haley had died was the need to take care of his son so when Emily died leaving JJ alone, he knew the outcome wouldn't be good. When JJ returned to work, he saw the sorrow that filled those blue eyes. He saw the sullen look on her face, the hollowness in her stare, and how she did her job just to get the job done and how she locked herself in her office for hours at a time. He saw how the photographs in her office haunted her and many times she would come out of her office with a wet face and red eyes. He knew that JJ did not have a son or daughter to hold it together for.

Agent Hotchner was the first person to see the flirtations and the connection between JJ and Emily. In fact, he saw it before JJ even saw it. He saw how the brunette's face lit up every time JJ would walk into the office and how she never failed to get the closest seat to the blonde on the jet. When things between Haley and him had gone sour he had pulled Emily into his office.

"_Prentiss, can I speak to you for a minute? In my office?" He had asked quietly while Emily sat at her desk. _

"_Sure thing sir," Emily said a pit in her stomach wondering what she had done wrong. She had gotten all her paper work in on time that week and wondered why the unit chief was calling her and only her into the office. _

_Once she had gotten into the office, Hotch asked her to be seated._

"_What can I help you with sir?" Emily asked professionally still thinking she had done something. _

"_Please, no formalities. I actually asked you in here for a personal reason sort of Emily. Don't get angry or take this the wrong way. You need to tell her," Hotch said spitting it right out. _

"_I'm sorry? Tell her? Tell who what?" Emily asked completely confused. _

"_I see the way your face lights up when she walks into the office and the seats you take on the jet. Your body language shows that you are completely protective over her even though trust me she is capable of her job. I know the bureau policies but Prentiss, tell her. I made the mistake to screwing things up with Haley and I know Rossi would say the same thing he just doesn't have the gall to say it. You love her then tell her," Hotch said completely blowing Emily out of the water. That next day she told Jennifer Jareau that she loved her. _

Hotch saw JJ fall to pieces. He also saw his team slowly fall to pieces over the grief of losing one of their own.

**Morgan**

The unnecessary guilt that filled Morgan following Emily's death was eating away at him. Emily had been a sister to him. He had felt the fight leave her that night when she had been shot. He would never know why she hadn't fought harder to stay. Morgan knew that JJ would be angry with him; he told himself over and over again that he could've done more. Garcia had comforted him many a night after the shooting and he had been strong throughout the funeral. The feeling of JJ breaking down in his arms was a feeling he would never forget. He remembered the night Emily had come to him about JJ. He had encouraged her as well.

"_Hey Derek, can we go out for drinks tonight? Talk a little?" Emily had asked him that day._

"_Yeah sure thing Princess," he could use a few drinks and he could tell his friend was visibly nervous about something. If Derek Morgan knew one thing it was that Emily was never one to look nervous. _

_That night they had gone out to a quite bar where they could sit in a booth in the corner and drink their beers while they held a somewhat private conversation. _

"_So spill Princess, I've never seen you this visibly nervous. I think you've ripped your napkin into a million pieces by now," Morgan had said chuckling at the pieces of napkin scattered the table. _

"_Well, remember when you found out I was gay?" Emily began. He had found out inadvertently at that. _

"_Yeah, quite frankly I would've figured it out if I hadn't have seen you walking out of that gay bar with some sexy blonde on your arm," Morgan said chuckling. He had been shocked that night but soon realized that the signs added all up if he just listened to his gaydar. _

"_Ok well that sexy blonde? I can't even remember her name. Well she was and all the other blondes I've taken home, have been a substitute for the one who has my heart," Emily said spilling her guts to the man she considered her brother. Normally she didn't feel quite so romantic but as Garcia had already pointed it out, Emily was different when it came to one blonde hair, blue eyed agent. When she said this, Morgan nearly spit out his drink. _

"_Wait! Are we talking about who I think we are talking about Emily?" he said once he got his breath from choking on his drink. _

"_I'm in love with JJ. Hotch thinks I should tell her," Emily said as she stared off into the distance. _

"_Wait a second again princess! Hotch? He told you?" Morgan asked dumbfounded. _

"_He figures he screwed everything up with Haley, because of the job. He doesn't want me to feel the same unhappiness I guess. And you know how he is with JJ. He protects her whether she likes it or not. Small age difference or not JJ is like a daughter to him as much as I'm a daughter to Rossi," Emily explained._

"_Tell her princess. She might take it better than you think," Morgan said with a sly smile remembering something Garcia had mentioned to him about the two agents growing friendship. _

Morgan missed the woman he considered a sister and the guilt consumed him. He saw the pain that Emily's death had caused JJ. Knowing JJ was a strong confident woman didn't seem to take away what he saw in her eyes which was pure emptiness once Emily was gone. He had seen such light in those eyes once the two had gotten together.


	6. Embrace it Part Two of Tell Her

A/N: Ok here is part two. I guess it's going to be 3 parter because I can't get Reid and then I want to wrap it all back up to JJ. So when I'm not studying or writing a paper for next week's finals, I will try to get part three posted. Thanks! Enjoy. I'm trying to make these not so sad.

Part Two

**Garcia**

Penelope Garcia had known loss in her life. At the tender age of 18 her parents had been killed in a car accident by drunk drivers. A little more than 10 years later she watched as her best friend lost the one person she loved the most in life. Emily and JJ had quickly befriended Garcia when they had each joined the BAU. When Emily joined, Garcia remembered JJ bringing her down to the tech analyst's so called "lair" to show her where the information highway began for the BAU and hoped that Emily would join in on the twosome for drinks that night.

"_Garcia, this is Special Agent Emily Prentiss, our newest member of the team," JJ said with her thousand watt smile. It was there that Garcia first realized the connection between the two women who couldn't be more opposite. _

"_Penelope Garcia at your service Agent Prentiss. Welcome to my 'lair', these are my babies, and this is the oracle of all knowing," Garcia said blushing hoping she hadn't scared away the raven hair goddess that stood in front of her. _

"_THIS? This is our system at the BAU?" Emily said in shock. _

"_Impressed?" Garcia asked sheepishly. Normally she owned the geek inside of her but something about Emily screamed important and later she realized it was because she was the Ambassador's daughter. _

"_More like intrigued and intimidated. I wouldn't normally admit this about myself on my first day anywhere but I am somewhat of a geek myself. Not like this though," Emily said with a huge grin on her face. JJ would learn to love the blush that slowly crept up onto Emily cheeks. Garcia watched as JJ looked on in awe at the brunette. _

Garcia knew that day that JJ was feeling something she had never felt before. She also knew if she hadn't have spoken up to JJ one day, she may have never admitted her feelings for the brunette and the two would've never admitted how much they loved each other.

"_Jayje, teddy bear, I see the way you look at her," Garcia said to the distracted blonde who looked out the window of her office down to Emily who was being subjected to one of Reid's endless tandems about physics magic. _

"_Huh? Who?" JJ said so very distractedly. _

"_Emily dear. Tell her. I can see the love in your eyes. Your face lights up every time she walks into the room and you get that thousand watt smile as if your heart is melting," Garcia mentioned to JJ. _

"_But, Pen, what if, what if she doesn't feel the same way? You're right Garcia, I'm absolutely head over heels for her and I'm scared to death to love someone as much as I do her, let alone her," JJ admitted turning away from the window rubbing her temples. It was clear that the blonde hadn't been sleeping again. _

"_Baby girl, I guarantee she feels the same way. What makes you so afraid? The fact that it is Emily or that Emily is a woman?" Garcia asked knowing truly what the answer would be. _

"_Both. We're so different. She's so strong and stoic and beautiful. But she's the Ambassador's daughter. I've never felt this way before for a woman Garcia," JJ slowly came out and admitted her feelings. _

"_Embrace it. Yes, you're different as night and day but sometimes that works when there is the amount of love that there is between you too. If she comes to you first, just embrace it and tell her how you feel as well," Garcia said before walking out of the office setting the path in motion. _

Garcia was broken inside that night she received the fateful phone call that Emily was being rushed to the hospital was a GSW to the abdomen. She remembered the night she had been shot and hoped that Emily would be able to hold onto the sight of Morgan and that Morgan would encourage her to hold on. She remembered how the last thing she saw before slipping into unconsciousness had been the face of her attacker and hoped Emily would be able to hold on to something to keep her holding on a little longer. _Why didn't you fight harder Emily? She's completely broken, gone, she's not your Jennifer anymore. _Garcia thought in her head as she felt warm tears trickle down her face as she watched from a distance the blonde agent break down at Emily's graveside. She would have many days like this, watching from a distance, some days she would embrace the blonde and let her sob herself until she fell asleep. She told herself this is what being a friend meant, catching them when they fell.

**Rossi**

Rossi had never had children. When he had come back from the BAU, he had immediately recognized the Ambassador's daughter from previous years of assignments. Slowly but surely she became the daughter he had never had. The night she died was the night he fell apart. He had worked at the Bureau for nearly 40 years and in those 40 years he had seen a lot of pain, a lot of death, and a lot of darkness. He had slowly started to come unraveled at the seams before Emily's death but it was her being gone that broke the camel's back. Every day he would retire to his office, pour him two fingers of Scotch, and stare at the photograph of him and Emily after an intense training the BAU had attended. Everyone had their pictures, their vices, and their demons. He wished he could've done something more for Emily before she had left them. Now he could see his team fall apart piece by piece. He saw an emptiness and hollowness in JJ's eyes, he saw the guilt eat at Morgan and how it affected his relationship with Garcia, and he saw Hotch come in even earlier and leave even later. He would never understand why it had to be Emily. If anyone had potential in the team, if anyone had love and passion to keep this team alive, it was Emily. Her compartmentalization skills were next to no one and she was always able to keep the team on task when Morgan's hotheadedness got them sidetracked or someone forgot the reason they were there. He could never deny the love between Emily and JJ and was honored when Emily, who had grown up with a father who had never been there, and for all intensive purposes didn't exist, had come to him and asked him to walk her down the aisle at the wedding. It had been a slow, rainy day at the BAU, a month before the wedding was supposed to be, because both agents didn't want to wait to get married with the wake of Haley's death hanging over them.

"_Come in Emily, what can I do for you?" Rossi asked curious as to why the brunette agent was wringing her hands. _

"_Well, it's a personal matter. You know how you have always been a father figure to me Rossi? Since you came back to the BAU? And of course, JJ looks up to you like no other, I mean you are the reason she applied…" Emily began to ramble from her nervousness when Rossi cut her off._

"_Yes, I recall that. What's up?" Rossi was beginning to get worried. _

"_Well, my father has never been around, and really doesn't even exist in my life. I was uhm, hoping, well you see, I need someone to walk me down the aisle before JJ comes down. I know this is an untraditional wedding at the least, but I will walk down with someone, wait for her, and then she'll walk down with her father. I was, well, uhm, I was hoping you would be ok with walking me down the aisle Dave?" Emily finally spit out her question as Rossi looked at her in shock. _

"_You want me to be a part of your special day? Well of course, I'd be honored. Is JJ ok with this?" Rossi asked visibly honored. _

"_Yes, she encouraged it actually," Emily said. _

That was the day Rossi remembered most fondly when he looked at those pictures as he turned to alcohol as he tried to soothe the emptiness Emily had left him with. He knew that he shouldn't feel so empty, so bad, because honestly there was one person in this team who felt much worse and he could JJ slowly falling to pieces.


	7. Naive: Part Three of Tell Her

A/N: Ok here's part three. Please read and review. This chapter goes out to Pink Jover who followed me over so greatly from other stories, thank you for your reviews! Also to diaza44 who has seriously reviewed every chapter of every story since the second story I wrote and she even reviewed the first one after she found it. Also thank you for putting up with my serious moodiness during finals week. You are an awesome reviewer and friend. So here it is part three. This is a busy week so I don't know when the next chapter will be up.

**Reid**

Spencer Reid hadn't known great loss in his life. He had known great disappointment, rejection, and success. He had known the pain of bullying but he had never really lost someone completely. When he had started the BAU, he had immediately taken a liking to Jennifer Jareau, the media liaison and it looked as if she had taken a liking to him. She called him Spence.

"_Did you know she's the only person in the whole word to call me Spence?" Reid said to Gideon one day in the bullpen. _

They had tried a date and realized that their admiration for each other was strictly limited to that of a big sister and little brother. Reid had been naïve when the relationship between JJ and Emily had first begun, in fact he was the last to know and he had found out rather abruptly.

"_So Emily, how's JJ in the sack?" Morgan had elbowed Emily while sitting around doing senseless paperwork. He had been joking of course, too respectful to actually ask details about their sex life. It had been done for the specific reason to make it known to Reid that the two female agents were officially a couple. _

_Reid had spit out his coffee. _

"_You and JJ? Statistically speaking…" Reid had said once he had recovered from choking on his coffee. _

"_Reid, please no more of your statistics. Yes I know that same sex relationships tend to last longer and be more monogamous than heterosexual relationships. Yes JJ and I have been an item since last month and you didn't have any clue?" Emily had said cutting him off rather grumpily. _

After the conversation, Reid could tell that there was a difference in the woman he considered a big sister. She had more sunshine to her he thought and he had never been one for clichés. Her eyes sparkled and looked a little more blue and if he had look at Emily, she was a little quicker on her feet and faster on the comebacks with Morgan. The team never changed and if it did, they had become closer now that the two agents who were madly in love with each other were now together rather than avoiding each other. Reid and Emily grew closer because she was more attuned to his statistics and random facts of knowledge and she found herself allowing her geek side to embrace his knowledge. He soon became a little brother to her as well and Reid soon found himself attached to her just as much as he had JJ.

Reid saw the changes in JJ right away after Emily died. He wasn't so young, so naïve anymore. He had seen the evolution of their relationship as it grew, as he grew, and he could see the absolute devastation in JJ's eyes. He had never known true, great loss. Losing Emily tore a piece away from him. He had been through so much, been tortured by someone whose dogs had traumatized JJ and they had worked through it separately. As he looked back he could tell this was just another pit stop in the relationship between Emily and JJ. He knew JJ would try to fight her demons alone know that Emily was gone but Emily being gone was one of the massive demons JJ had to fight every day. Reid broke a little too inside when Emily died. JJ, at first, would sit and stare at him while he spouted off his statistics and random facts and then just one day she broke. After yelling at Reid and collapsing in tears into his arms, his heart broke. He vowed one day that he would repair the pieces of Jennifer Jareau's heart that had just fallen to pieces right in front of him.

**Jennifer Jareau**

The day Jennifer Jareau fell to pieces in front of the entire BAU, was the lowest day of her life compared to the day Emily died. She felt so empty. She was haunted every night of the empty promises Emily had left her with including the promise that she wouldn't die on her. JJ had known it was a naïve promise to make and that it would be one that would be impossible to reassure but being lost in the moment, lying in Emily's arms she had let herself believe every word Emily had ever told her.

Some nights JJ would sleep without a dream, falling exhaustedly into the bed she once shared with the brunette agent and drifting off into sleep that was just as empty as she felt. Other nights she would wake up in a fit of sweat after a nightmare, reaching for Emily, and realizing that Emily was not just gone, but was never coming back. She would spend the rest of the night curled up in a ball, wearing Emily's old Yale shirt that was slowly losing the scent of Emily, and sob. The majority of the nights were spent waking up screaming from a nightmare. These were the nights she would call Garcia in the middle of the night who was more than happy to take the phone call and rush thoughts of rainbows and kittens into the blondes head after an especially terrifying nightmare. Garcia had to remind JJ that Emily had died knowing that JJ loved her and that she hadn't died alone or scared.

Some days Jennifer Jareau beat herself up after Emily died. She thought she could've done more to help her wife out while she had been alive or that Emily had died afraid or in pain. She tried not to blame Morgan because on a good day which were few and far in between she could see just how the death of her wife was beating up her family, their team. On a good day she could Emily whispering in her ear that she loved her and that it was time to move on, pick up the pieces, and to live her life. JJ wasn't naïve and she knew that the promises they had promised each other and the vows they had taken didn't guarantee a life full of happiness or a long life together. Naïve or not, it hadn't helped the pain. Emily had a way of making JJ believe that things would be alright no matter what had happened to either agent. Some nights before Emily died, JJ would wake up and just hug her wife from behind and sob quietly from the pain of loving someone so entirely much. She knew that their fire wasn't one that could be put out by any fight and that there would have to be something so strong as death to pull them apart. But even JJ knew, even the entire team knew, that after death the fire wouldn't be put out and that one of them dying would be the end of the other one. They just never knew it would actually ever happen, to whom it would happen to, and how greatly it would affect the team.


	8. Ocean Blue

A/N: Sorry for the delay on updates. Life definitely hit me hard. I am now graduated and things are a tad better. This chapter took a lot of work but it's finally here. It took some strength to actually get to paper but it's here. Enjoy? As always, thank you to diaza44 who is an amazing best friend who helps me get Emily ideas! And thanks to those who read and review.

The months following Emily's death, Garcia would occasionally spend the night at JJ's the house the two star-crossed lovers had shared. Garcia knew that JJ was falling apart slowly at the seams and that the blonde would never be the same. Some nights Garcia would sleep in the guest bedroom and through the thin walls she would hear JJ talking in her sleep, presumably to Emily, some nights JJ would wake up screaming, causing Garcia to run into the room and embracing the blonde as she sobbed herself back to sleep. The nights that the two blondes would stay up until the middle of the night talking about Emily, their future plans, and the funny escapades the three had gotten themselves in to, Garcia could see a glimpse of the JJ she had once known. The shine had disappeared from those ocean blue eyes and they were now dull and almost empty. Garcia knew that it wasn't all gone but that Emily had been the one true great love of JJ's life and that she'd never quite be the same. Garcia knew that Emily had been JJ's everything, her anchor to all that was good in the world.

The nightmares never stopped for JJ. This particular night JJ's nightmare was odd and twisted, but full of events that had actually happened that still haunted her. JJ remembered the Hankel case like it had been yesterday. Those crazed dogs snaring their teeth at her and then laying lifeless haunted her dreams even before Emily died. JJ also remembered how Emily had been the only one who had been able to cut through her daze.

"_JJ, JJ, look at me," Emily had said. She had seen the scared, wild look in JJ's eyes and the blood on her arm. She hadn't told JJ her feelings yet. This look scared Emily and Emily was not one to scare easily. She loved the blonde and feared for her sanity after the dogs had attacked her. _

_JJ had heard Emily's voice, and just figuring out her feelings, had snapped out of the daze to look at Emily. Those brown eyes immediately shook her out of the confusion and fear she had and she had realized Emily was asking her about Reid. _

_Emily had wanted nothing more than to embrace the blonde, take care of her, assure her things would be ok, but for now just shaking her out of her head would have to do because Reid was missing. And then JJ had called her name in that house, after she had gone to check on her. _

"_Emily?" JJ asked, quietly. She wanted to muster up the courage to tell her how she felt. Jennifer Jareau was not one for compartmentalizing. She never had much qualm about expressing her feelings when she wasn't on the job. But this was a job, and Reid needed to be found, so she figured out something else to say instead._

"_Yes JJ?" Emily asked with a hopeful tone of voice. _

"_How come none of this bothers you?" JJ had asked. This was when Emily had told her about her compartmentalizing skills. _

The nightmare of the Hankel case had followed JJ even after Emily's death except instead of the dogs snaring at her, lunging at her, and latching onto her arm, she saw those brunette eyes, so full of promise and love for the blonde. She hadn't seen it before, too blind and taken off guard by the feelings she had started to feel in her heart and her stomach. This wasn't the only nightmare JJ had after Emily died. The night Garcia called combined with the conversation she had had earlier with Emily loomed over her like guilt.

"_JJ, it's Pen, it's Emily. You need to get to the hospital." Those words pierced through JJ even caused panic attacks after her death. _

And then that phone call, the words Emily had said to JJ that night, just stuck and echoed on in her dreams.

"_Hey baby. I have a bad feeling about this case," Emily hadn't wanted to say anything but this gut feeling was just not going away. _

"_What kind of bad feeling?" JJ said as the same gut feeling was beginning to take residence in her stomach as she fought the urge to go throw up. _

"_I just, it'll be ok. I just wanted to call and say I love you Jennifer. I really love you a lot. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else the rest of my life baby ok?" Emily said as tears began to fill her eyes. She knew Morgan and her were needed out on the streets but she also knew that she fit victimology but refused to point it out. Emily had never been one to back down from a challenge or run in the event that something looked dangerous. Fear wasn't an option for Emily and it wasn't just an ego problem. _

"_Emily, I love you too but why are you talking like this? What's going on?" JJ asked not putting the pieces together of the case. Things had been hectic around the BAU and she hadn't been as focused as normal lately because of outside family issues. _

"_Nothing, look Morgan and I have to get back out there but I love you. If something happens to me, you know the plans right? You'll be ok. I love you Mrs. Prentiss," Emily had said. When they had married, Jennifer had kept her last name as her middle name and taken on Emily's last name. This had made Emily one very happy woman. But right now, JJ knew something was wrong. That night she slept fitfully until she had gotten that call. _

"_I love you too. Come home safe baby," JJ had said somehow knowing Emily wouldn't be returning to her. _

Emily's death had caused rifts in the team but it had broken JJ. She would never be the same again. The nightmares plagued her night after night. But Garcia had hope. Garcia had hope because every time a memory of Emily popped up and every time the blonde looked at a picture of Emily, and saw those piercing warm brown highs and thousand watt smiles, just a small glimmer of hope, of shine returned to those ocean blue eyes. Garcia knew she'd never be the same. The team would never be quite the family they had been but she had hope that JJ still had a future somewhere outside the world of Emily's death.


	9. Strength

A/N: This chapter is thanks to the best friend being way farther away than normal and listening to Missy Higgins Where I Stood. Might be taking this story in a new direction because I can't bear break up the BAU. Now I feel even worse for killing Emily. Sorry it's short. Will try to write more later. This is an extremely difficult story to write right now. Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews.

JJ lay in bed one night on a particularly good night. It was the first good night she had in quite awhile and as she looked through case files she looked back to see how the team had changed. It was nearly 6 months after Emily had died. The nights spent crying all night, inhaling Emily's scent, and listening to Emily's music were becoming fewer and farther in between and now only happened once or twice a week at the most. JJ still missed Emily. Her blue eyes would never regain the sparkle they once had but at this very point in time she knew she had to do something to pull her team together. No one knew it but JJ and Hotch but JJ was whenever time was available seeking the assistance of a grief counselor. This particular good night, as good as they would get for awhile, JJ decided to finally listen to the advice of the counselor and begin a journal writing letters to her Emily.

To My Emily,

_I don't know who I am, who I am, without you. It's been nearly 6 months since you left. Of those six months I've spent the majority of them curled in a ball sobbing because I miss you Emily. Half of those mornings are spent disappointed because I woke up. I never thought our love would be a tragic love but I love you so much even after your gone that I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to go about living. I never thought you'd be the one to leave Emily. But here I am, and you left. You left with all of my heart. I can't move on Em. I loved you with everything that I was, because now that you're gone I am nothing._

_Emily, I wish you were to tell me what to do. The team is falling apart and to be honest I fell apart a long time ago. Derek blames it all on himself and now he's doing ridiculously dangerous things. First one in, last one out is what he keeps saying. It's scaring Garcia. Rossi sits in his office and drinks Scotch after cases and if a brunette happens to be the victim, we all gasp for breath. I see you everywhere Emily. And it only makes me miss you more. I am functioning, but if it weren't for this team, I'm not sure what I would be. If this team falls apart, my love, I just don't know what else to do. Hotch sees it too. I'm trying so hard to pull it together because maybe, just maybe, if I show some strength, I can save this team. _

_Emily, I love you and always will. You were my wife, my lover, and my best friend. I will save this team if not for me but for your memory. _

_My Emily, I miss you._

_With all of my heart,_

_JJ_

By the time JJ was done writing she knew she needed to get with Garcia and concoct a plan to save their team. Emily's death had crushed her. Her blue eyes may never shine again but her family, what was left of her family was not going to disappear too like her Emily had.

While JJ had a newfound sense of strength, it would take awhile for the team to pull itself back together. JJ would never be the same without her Emily. But the team would not fall apart if it were up to her.


End file.
